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| note: I do not know this man, he is just the first thing that came up in my image search for aluminum hat |
This shit is just too weird for me not to write about. Tomorrow's the "big day" and call me simple, but I just don't get it. We've been inundated with articles on how these people have been traveling for months, cashed in their retirement funds, blah blah to warn people about tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up, but aren't I already pretty much fucked at this point? It's like if a fortune teller in the midst of my 20 dollar tarot card reading tells me that I'm going to die in a mysterious way sometime within the "vague future." And I say "ok....so.........like what I am supposed to do about it?"I think it's kind of unfair that I only get this warning years after I knew what the deal was. Had I known, I would have kept on perpetuating my 10 year old self into the future years, and tomorrow there I would be, decked out in my lavender corduroy overalls reading Goosebumps books with my cardinal treasure still intact.
So since it appears I'm shit out of luck, I'll just have to make other arrangements for 6 p.m. tomorrow. I'm hoping that Jesus plans on making an appearance at the Tampa Bay Lightning after-party I had been planning on. Hopefully he will see that I am the only human soul worth redeeming because I will be the lone female not wearing an oversized jersey cinched at the waist to make it appear like a jersey "dress." We will bond in our mutual distaste for this misguided attempt at fashion and Voila! See you in heaven guys, brb! My other plan was to wrap my head in aluminum foil a la M. Night Shyamalan but it's probably neither the time nor the place tomorrow evening...
